Saturday, December 21, 2013
Sunday, December 1, 2013
Adoption Update (long and nitty-gritty, but the end is worth it)
Adoption is exhausting. Just going to throw that out there. I wouldn't change a thing, and we don't even have our little Chappell home yet.
The second thing you do with an international adoption is sign with an international agency and compile your dossier. This includes immigration papers, background checks, fingerprinting, etc. Once your agency sends your dossier to the country, you are eligible to receive a referral (basically your child's version of his/her dossier), and you can accept or reject it. I can't WAIT for this step! Show me my baby!!!
Well. That brings me from July when we decided to pursue adoption to the weekend before Labor day. At school Friday, I was filling out the application for the adoption agency we had decided upon, and I had left my phone at home. I couldn't get some necessary numbers out of it. So I didn't close the window, and I went home. I had to wait until Tuesday to finish and send it. Over that weekend, I got a Facebook friend request from a missionary in Uganda. She and I had a mutual friend who had adopted from Ethiopia. We began talking about Uganda, adoption, and life, and I told her the adoption agency we had chosen. Her exact words were, "Run, don't walk, away." What!? Seriously? I had this figured out. We could afford that agency. They seemed great. They were a Christian based agency. She is a point-blank person, and she has a front-row seat on adoption processes in Uganda. She spoke truth after truth, and just like that, my eyes were opened to the dark side of international adoption. Honestly, I didn't really like her in that moment. She got in the way of my plan, and I didn't want that. However, we continued talking that weekend. Uganda and Illinois are an eight hour time difference, so often she would be up for hours in the middle of the night talking with me. She committed herself to helping us conduct an adoption ethically. Coincidence that I forgot my phone AND got a random friend request? Hardly. (by the way, now I totally love her and her ministry- it's just that sometimes truth is hard to swallow)
So we held off. And she put us in touch with people still in the country using that agency, trying to get out. They said the same thing- run far and fast. Find another agency. *Insert major disappointment.*
We researched. We found out painful reality about international adoption. Some days I still wish I could "un-read" what I've read. International adoption, like all things intended to be redemptive, is full of people whose only goal is self-satisfaction. People are driven by greed; just because kids are involved doesn't change that reality. In fact, sometimes I think it even exacerbates the situations. People who honestly want to be parents begin letting that desire control their actions, and they are blinded to the corruption of adoption processes and have a "What I don't know won't hurt me" attitude. Others take advantage of this extremely deep desire, and they, for all intents and purposes, traffic these kids into the adoption arena. For instance, 80% of kids in Ugandan orphanages have at least one parent living. That isn't what you normally think of when you think "orphan", is it? Agencies or orphanages, in an attempt to make money, allow these kids to be adopted. Not all agencies are like this, nor are all people in the adoption world corrupt. Obviously. We're still going forward with the process. But some are willing to pay an agency, who will then bribe government officials to kidnap or persuade a family to give up a child for adoption, just to make money off the process. It's unspeakably evil, and NOT something Daniel and I want any part of.
Here's the deal: Daniel and I are called to adoption. We know that beyond a shadow of a doubt. Our hearts are burdened for the fatherless, and we are ready to stand for those who need us. Have you ever read James 1:27? This is pure and true religion: caring for orphans and widows. There's no parentheses saying (this is only pure and true religion for those who can afford it, or for those old/young enough, or for those who can't have kids biologically). There's no fine print disregarding certain Christians from this. We are all called to care for orphans. Now, in no way do I believe all Christians are called to adoption. What caring for orphans looks like for your family, you have to decide. It could be sponsoring a child; it could be fostering a child; it could be financially supporting those who are adopting (insert shameless plug for our fundraising efforts!).
For two months, we delayed signing with an agency. Some other painful disappointments happened during that time in both our adoption and biological-baby worlds. But those can wait- this is already long enough :) We researched BOTH sides of the agency's reputation- American and Ugandan. We spoke to families who had used the agency. We bypassed the HR people at the front lines of adoption agencies, and we asked a whole bunch of really tough questions to the people actually conducting the adoption processes.
And still we weren't completely sure. There's no 100% guarantee they weren't giving us lip service. Perhaps they were. But at the end of the day, we worked unbelievably hard to find an agency that was above reproach. We found an agency who works hard to reunite families and investigate the truth behind each orphan's status. After all, third-world country people are no different than we are. If Daniel and I died unexpectedly or were unable to care for our children, many extended family members would step up to care for Sawyer. Our agency works to make sure NO ONE is speaking for these precious babies. We committed ourselves to finding an agency that finds families for children, not children for families. The syntactical differences are slight, but the eternal significance for these kids is huge. We are still praying daily that God works within the possible corruption to orchestrate our connection to the child who needs us as parents.
So YAY! We signed with an agency and made our first payment. We also applied for ELEVEN grants (which was a ton of paperwork in and of itself). We should begin hearing back from grants in the next few months, and some as soon as this month. We sent out one hundred letters and adoption announcements to our extended family and friends who live elsewhere. We have a few fundraisers in the planning stages for our Vermilion County area. We finished all of our home study, filed our immigration papers, and are in the middle of compiling our dossier. To turn in our dossier, we have to turn in $11,000. Right now, we have $2,000 saved. After that, we only owe $6,000+ travel expenses. We are trying to save the rest of our personal savings for travel, since grants don't pay for travel expenses. We have a plan on how to pay for each payment, but we're obviously depending on a lot of people's generosity and help for those plans to work! So that's where we are. Two months behind where we expected to be but in a whole lot better shape. We're doing things right, which should be some sort of reassurance to those who do donate financially; we are aggressively working to be good stewards of your (and our) finances for the Kingdom.
So why do I tell you all of this? I am not against adoption. Not in the slightest. It has been the biggest eye-opening, faith-stretching experience of my entire life. I truly think so many more people should do this, and we haven't even begun reaping the rewards yet!
I want to be real with you. I want you to know the cost. I want you to know how hard we're working for this child. I want you to know that our need is great, but our commitment is greater. I want you to know that love is a fight. Redemption is messy and comes at great cost. Think about it. The greatest adoption story of all time is the one where God adopted us. It wasn't quick. It wasn't easy. It wasn't without pain. Jesus came, and he was above reproach in everything. He was an absolute perfect steward of the life he had been given. He fought for us- before we ever knew him personally. He waited. He underwent terrible pain. He conquered. And he did all of this, not so we could serve him as slaves, not so we could work for him as employees, but so that we could be his children. And it's not like he had the guarantee that we would all love him super-duper much, and it would be rainbows and unicorns from then on. I mean, let's be real. We all have the choice to love Him and follow him, as will our child have the choice to love us as his/her parents. Sometimesit we don't end up so well. Sometimes it's really really hard to be His child. But yet...
Our last few months:
While we were in the process of doing our home study, we intended to go ahead and sign with an agency/start our dossier (the BIG packet of paperwork that is sent to Uganda- basically our entire life condensed-ish down on paper). We wanted to do both at once to make the process faster. We were ready to attack this process and get it done ASAP.
We interrupt this blog post to bring you a little ***Adoption Education FYI***:
The first thing you do with an adoption is your home study, which is basically where a social worker comes into your house a few times, educates you (In most states, 10-16 hours of education are required), measures your rooms and checks where your hazardous materials are, interviews you about your entire life, and gives you a TON of paperwork/questions/essays/budgets to fill out to make sure you are able to be an adequate parent. Many of these questions are self-explanatory, like, "Do you agree with withholding food and water as punishment?" But the sad thing is people have done these types of things. Some questions are intensely deep and take some thought to answer, like how each of your extended family members views money, culture, faith, etc. Home study workers want to make sure you know what you're getting into, make sure you have adequate resources compiled for the arduous parenting journey, and make sure you're adopting for the right reasons- not just to have a pretty multicultural family, or because it's trendy, or because you saw a really sweet Youtube video once about adoption that went viral. Our home study workers were awesome, and they will also be conducting interviews post-adoption and helping us along the way for years if we encounter any difficulties or have any questions.It was actually pretty fantastic, and I fully believe you should have to do this type of thing prior to bringing home babies from the hospital. It was just that informative and thought-provoking. I was totally flying by the seat of my pants when we brought Sawyer home.The second thing you do with an international adoption is sign with an international agency and compile your dossier. This includes immigration papers, background checks, fingerprinting, etc. Once your agency sends your dossier to the country, you are eligible to receive a referral (basically your child's version of his/her dossier), and you can accept or reject it. I can't WAIT for this step! Show me my baby!!!
Well. That brings me from July when we decided to pursue adoption to the weekend before Labor day. At school Friday, I was filling out the application for the adoption agency we had decided upon, and I had left my phone at home. I couldn't get some necessary numbers out of it. So I didn't close the window, and I went home. I had to wait until Tuesday to finish and send it. Over that weekend, I got a Facebook friend request from a missionary in Uganda. She and I had a mutual friend who had adopted from Ethiopia. We began talking about Uganda, adoption, and life, and I told her the adoption agency we had chosen. Her exact words were, "Run, don't walk, away." What!? Seriously? I had this figured out. We could afford that agency. They seemed great. They were a Christian based agency. She is a point-blank person, and she has a front-row seat on adoption processes in Uganda. She spoke truth after truth, and just like that, my eyes were opened to the dark side of international adoption. Honestly, I didn't really like her in that moment. She got in the way of my plan, and I didn't want that. However, we continued talking that weekend. Uganda and Illinois are an eight hour time difference, so often she would be up for hours in the middle of the night talking with me. She committed herself to helping us conduct an adoption ethically. Coincidence that I forgot my phone AND got a random friend request? Hardly. (by the way, now I totally love her and her ministry- it's just that sometimes truth is hard to swallow)
So we held off. And she put us in touch with people still in the country using that agency, trying to get out. They said the same thing- run far and fast. Find another agency. *Insert major disappointment.*
We researched. We found out painful reality about international adoption. Some days I still wish I could "un-read" what I've read. International adoption, like all things intended to be redemptive, is full of people whose only goal is self-satisfaction. People are driven by greed; just because kids are involved doesn't change that reality. In fact, sometimes I think it even exacerbates the situations. People who honestly want to be parents begin letting that desire control their actions, and they are blinded to the corruption of adoption processes and have a "What I don't know won't hurt me" attitude. Others take advantage of this extremely deep desire, and they, for all intents and purposes, traffic these kids into the adoption arena. For instance, 80% of kids in Ugandan orphanages have at least one parent living. That isn't what you normally think of when you think "orphan", is it? Agencies or orphanages, in an attempt to make money, allow these kids to be adopted. Not all agencies are like this, nor are all people in the adoption world corrupt. Obviously. We're still going forward with the process. But some are willing to pay an agency, who will then bribe government officials to kidnap or persuade a family to give up a child for adoption, just to make money off the process. It's unspeakably evil, and NOT something Daniel and I want any part of.
Here's the deal: Daniel and I are called to adoption. We know that beyond a shadow of a doubt. Our hearts are burdened for the fatherless, and we are ready to stand for those who need us. Have you ever read James 1:27? This is pure and true religion: caring for orphans and widows. There's no parentheses saying (this is only pure and true religion for those who can afford it, or for those old/young enough, or for those who can't have kids biologically). There's no fine print disregarding certain Christians from this. We are all called to care for orphans. Now, in no way do I believe all Christians are called to adoption. What caring for orphans looks like for your family, you have to decide. It could be sponsoring a child; it could be fostering a child; it could be financially supporting those who are adopting (insert shameless plug for our fundraising efforts!).
For two months, we delayed signing with an agency. Some other painful disappointments happened during that time in both our adoption and biological-baby worlds. But those can wait- this is already long enough :) We researched BOTH sides of the agency's reputation- American and Ugandan. We spoke to families who had used the agency. We bypassed the HR people at the front lines of adoption agencies, and we asked a whole bunch of really tough questions to the people actually conducting the adoption processes.
And still we weren't completely sure. There's no 100% guarantee they weren't giving us lip service. Perhaps they were. But at the end of the day, we worked unbelievably hard to find an agency that was above reproach. We found an agency who works hard to reunite families and investigate the truth behind each orphan's status. After all, third-world country people are no different than we are. If Daniel and I died unexpectedly or were unable to care for our children, many extended family members would step up to care for Sawyer. Our agency works to make sure NO ONE is speaking for these precious babies. We committed ourselves to finding an agency that finds families for children, not children for families. The syntactical differences are slight, but the eternal significance for these kids is huge. We are still praying daily that God works within the possible corruption to orchestrate our connection to the child who needs us as parents.
So YAY! We signed with an agency and made our first payment. We also applied for ELEVEN grants (which was a ton of paperwork in and of itself). We should begin hearing back from grants in the next few months, and some as soon as this month. We sent out one hundred letters and adoption announcements to our extended family and friends who live elsewhere. We have a few fundraisers in the planning stages for our Vermilion County area. We finished all of our home study, filed our immigration papers, and are in the middle of compiling our dossier. To turn in our dossier, we have to turn in $11,000. Right now, we have $2,000 saved. After that, we only owe $6,000+ travel expenses. We are trying to save the rest of our personal savings for travel, since grants don't pay for travel expenses. We have a plan on how to pay for each payment, but we're obviously depending on a lot of people's generosity and help for those plans to work! So that's where we are. Two months behind where we expected to be but in a whole lot better shape. We're doing things right, which should be some sort of reassurance to those who do donate financially; we are aggressively working to be good stewards of your (and our) finances for the Kingdom.
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| This is my adoption pile all cleaned up: the big stack is the REMAINS of our adoption paperwork. That is, just the instructions/education/papers we HAVEN'T sent in. The pile we have sent to various places is at least that large. The pictures/letters are in the front, and the thank-you notes are in the back just waiting to be written. |
I want to be real with you. I want you to know the cost. I want you to know how hard we're working for this child. I want you to know that our need is great, but our commitment is greater. I want you to know that love is a fight. Redemption is messy and comes at great cost. Think about it. The greatest adoption story of all time is the one where God adopted us. It wasn't quick. It wasn't easy. It wasn't without pain. Jesus came, and he was above reproach in everything. He was an absolute perfect steward of the life he had been given. He fought for us- before we ever knew him personally. He waited. He underwent terrible pain. He conquered. And he did all of this, not so we could serve him as slaves, not so we could work for him as employees, but so that we could be his children. And it's not like he had the guarantee that we would all love him super-duper much, and it would be rainbows and unicorns from then on. I mean, let's be real. We all have the choice to love Him and follow him, as will our child have the choice to love us as his/her parents. Sometimes
We are. And He is good. And it's worth it.
So there you go. If I didn't tell you in this blog post the darkness and difficulties we have encountered, the blog post a year from now proclaiming the beautiful blessing our child is won't mean nearly as much. The moment you get to watch a video on Facebook of us meeting our child for the first time won't bring nearly as many feels. Those first family pics with some pretty dark-colored skin in them won't be nearly as beautiful. If you don't know the truth behind it, the story isn't nearly as good. This Chappell baby is fought for (as was Sawyer, but he was fought for in incessant puking and losing 22 pounds, and endless paperwork is MUCH more preferable).
And guess what? The best part of this whole, dark blog post is the fact that YOU get to know you were fought for- a thousand times harder than we're fighting for our baby.
Wasn't it worth reading the hard stuff to know that?
By the way, if ethical adoption intrigues you, we started here: Jen Hatmaker on Ethical Adoption, and it was absolutely fabulous.
Fall Recap
So, with the adoption paperwork, blogging for me has completely disappeared. BUT I will talk about that in the adoption update I plan to write in a few minutes (provided Sawyer continues sleeping).
For now, here are pictures of our fall adventures.
For now, here are pictures of our fall adventures.
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| For our second year, we went to this awesome farm where pumpkins are super cheap! We got 60 pumpkins of varying sizes (40 were for my freshmen, 20 for us :)) for $25. It's nice not to have to worry about what Sawyer is throwing in the wagon and just let him go at it. We also met a really sweet adoptive family and had dinner with them a few weeks later! |
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| My seniors spent every night for a week building our float. Then it fell apart. Oh well! |
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| Slinky is obviously awesome. |
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| Sawyer woke up from his nap long enough to get candy from the Homecoming parade. And yes. He does wear shoes. Sometimes... |
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| No more crib! Toddler bed! |
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| Cute freshmen creating Odyssey pumpkins :) |
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| If you know the Odyssey or Greek mythology, go ahead and try to figure out who's who! |
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| "That's how I think Zeus looks only not orange." |
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| We always have friends over to carve pumpkins :) |
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| Cutest cowboy in the (Mid)west. |
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| We share candy with Maggie. |
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| Doesn't this just melt your heart??!? |
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| Hide and Seek |
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| My kids helped me make a Thanksgiving bulletin board :) |
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| First snowfall! |
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| This is how we sleep every night... |
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| Don't you know? Elephant wearing is the newest thing. |
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| It pays to know recent Cosmetology School graduates... |
Sunday, September 22, 2013
Adoption Update
To be honest, our adoption situation is so unconventional and so complicated, it's really hard to give an update! We are currently waiting on an agency to make some decisions and, even more importantly, waiting for some logistical issues to be worked out. Our life, and our second child, hang in the balance of those decisions and logistics. If we get a yes and the logistics are worked out, our adoption could move very quickly, and we might get to be a family much sooner than later. If the logistics cannot be worked out, we may be back to square one, months or more than a year away from our family coming together. Let me tell you, that is TOUGH.
In the meantime, we have finished our home study, we have some fundraising plans, and we are getting bigger faith. I have called/researched/emailed more people and agencies than I even knew existed just trying to find a way to work out the logistics myself. Guess what? I can't. Do you know how completely terrible that is to realize for a "type A" person? Seriously?! I can't do this?! We finished our home study (which was supposed to take an average of two to three months) in two weeks. I filled out every last paper, wrote a sixteen-page autobiography, pushed Daniel to do his work on my schedule, made copies, ordered documents, got the cat vaccinated for Rabies, and got our fingerprints taken in about 10 days. When you give me a task, I. will. do. it.
And then what?
We are finished with the first set of paperwork. Logistics have to be figured out before we can do our dossier (the second set of paperwork). We could (and probably will) start fundraising, but we hoped to have a little more information before we started... like the financial goal. Now we are completely dependent on other people to carry us to the next step (whether that is moving forward quickly in the path we have started down, or going back to square one and starting our journey all over again).
Now we are waiting... waiting... waiting...
In the waiting, this passage in Zephaniah (yes, that book really exists and has some real truth, even if you've never heard of it) has been completely amazing. God has said so much to me about his heart for me and his heart for our child in it.
3:14-20
Sing, Daughter of Zion, shout aloud, Israel!
Be glad, and rejoice with all your heart, Daughter of Jerusalem!
The Lord has taken away your punishment,
he has turned back your enemy.
The Lord, the King of Israel, is with you;
never again will you fear any harm.
On that day they will say to Jerusalem,
"Do not fear, Zion;
do not let your hands hang limp.
The Lord your God is with you,
the Mighty Warrior who saves.
He will take great delight in you;
in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing."
"I will remove from you all who mourn over the loss of your appointed festivals,
which is a burden and a reproach for you.
At that time, I will deal with all who oppressed you.
I will rescue the lame;
I will gather the exiles.
I will give them praise and honor in every land where they have suffered shame.
At that time, I will gather you;
At that time, I will bring you home.
I will give you honor and praise among all the peoples of the earth when I restore your fortunes
before your very eyes,"
says the Lord.
This passage has come up over and over for me. So many parts of it have touched my heart at one time or another in this process. Today, specifically: "Do not fear, Zion; do not let your hands hang limp. The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves." So yes. Here I am. I have done EVERYTHING I can. I have researched agencies based on their American reputation and their reputation with those seeing their actions lived out in Uganda. I have called and questioned and tried agencies, lawyers, independent adoption, etc. desperate to find a back-up plan in case these logistics with this one agency cannot be worked out. And yet, we still have no back-up plan or clear direction yet. I still don't have Plan A much less Plan B. And for the personality of initiative and industriousness that I have, not having a plan yet feels very much hopeless. I am frustrated and tired of trying so hard. We have an end, we have a child waiting who desperately needs us to be his family, and we are desperately searching for a means to that end. I could easily throw my hands down and give up. But why would we ever do that? Our God is a mighty warrior, who is fighting for our family and a child who needs us in ways we cannot see or control. He will gather us together. He will bring our child home.
So that's where we are. I'm sorry I cannot give you specifics, like we are working with ______ Agency, we have a timeline of __________, and we are getting ________________ child. But guess what... our faith is being made stronger, and we are left in a place of complete dependency on God. And isn't that what this journey is all about? Aren't those the details that matter?
*HOPEFULLY* more details to come soon...
In the meantime, we have finished our home study, we have some fundraising plans, and we are getting bigger faith. I have called/researched/emailed more people and agencies than I even knew existed just trying to find a way to work out the logistics myself. Guess what? I can't. Do you know how completely terrible that is to realize for a "type A" person? Seriously?! I can't do this?! We finished our home study (which was supposed to take an average of two to three months) in two weeks. I filled out every last paper, wrote a sixteen-page autobiography, pushed Daniel to do his work on my schedule, made copies, ordered documents, got the cat vaccinated for Rabies, and got our fingerprints taken in about 10 days. When you give me a task, I. will. do. it.
And then what?
We are finished with the first set of paperwork. Logistics have to be figured out before we can do our dossier (the second set of paperwork). We could (and probably will) start fundraising, but we hoped to have a little more information before we started... like the financial goal. Now we are completely dependent on other people to carry us to the next step (whether that is moving forward quickly in the path we have started down, or going back to square one and starting our journey all over again).
Now we are waiting... waiting... waiting...
In the waiting, this passage in Zephaniah (yes, that book really exists and has some real truth, even if you've never heard of it) has been completely amazing. God has said so much to me about his heart for me and his heart for our child in it.
3:14-20
Sing, Daughter of Zion, shout aloud, Israel!
Be glad, and rejoice with all your heart, Daughter of Jerusalem!
The Lord has taken away your punishment,
he has turned back your enemy.
The Lord, the King of Israel, is with you;
never again will you fear any harm.
On that day they will say to Jerusalem,
"Do not fear, Zion;
do not let your hands hang limp.
The Lord your God is with you,
the Mighty Warrior who saves.
He will take great delight in you;
in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing."
"I will remove from you all who mourn over the loss of your appointed festivals,
which is a burden and a reproach for you.
At that time, I will deal with all who oppressed you.
I will rescue the lame;
I will gather the exiles.
I will give them praise and honor in every land where they have suffered shame.
At that time, I will gather you;
At that time, I will bring you home.
I will give you honor and praise among all the peoples of the earth when I restore your fortunes
before your very eyes,"
says the Lord.
This passage has come up over and over for me. So many parts of it have touched my heart at one time or another in this process. Today, specifically: "Do not fear, Zion; do not let your hands hang limp. The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves." So yes. Here I am. I have done EVERYTHING I can. I have researched agencies based on their American reputation and their reputation with those seeing their actions lived out in Uganda. I have called and questioned and tried agencies, lawyers, independent adoption, etc. desperate to find a back-up plan in case these logistics with this one agency cannot be worked out. And yet, we still have no back-up plan or clear direction yet. I still don't have Plan A much less Plan B. And for the personality of initiative and industriousness that I have, not having a plan yet feels very much hopeless. I am frustrated and tired of trying so hard. We have an end, we have a child waiting who desperately needs us to be his family, and we are desperately searching for a means to that end. I could easily throw my hands down and give up. But why would we ever do that? Our God is a mighty warrior, who is fighting for our family and a child who needs us in ways we cannot see or control. He will gather us together. He will bring our child home.
So that's where we are. I'm sorry I cannot give you specifics, like we are working with ______ Agency, we have a timeline of __________, and we are getting ________________ child. But guess what... our faith is being made stronger, and we are left in a place of complete dependency on God. And isn't that what this journey is all about? Aren't those the details that matter?
*HOPEFULLY* more details to come soon...
Life
Our current life has become consumed with doing a ton of paperwork, tracking down agency leads, getting very excited, getting very disappointed, and growing stronger in our faith. We haven't done a whole lot of "planned" activites.
So not much to plan for a blog post either :)
Here are some very random pictures:
Vet Trip: I took a meowing kitty and a meowing (imitating) baby to the vet.
And Sawyer decided this was his preferred method of riding in the car...
So not much to plan for a blog post either :)
Here are some very random pictures:
Vet Trip: I took a meowing kitty and a meowing (imitating) baby to the vet.
Sawyer rode the tractor at Papaw's and got ice cream:
And Sawyer decided this was his preferred method of riding in the car...
:)
Sunday, August 25, 2013
Back to School!
One week down, 35 weeks to go. :) Sawyer did fine with the transition. We really only had one hard day. I have been getting up earlier than last year in an effort to be ready when Sawyer wakes up. He wakes up slowly, and he really likes to cuddle with me and watch a show before he faces the world. It does my heart good, too, to spend time with him before school. Halfway through the week, he wasn't quite ready for me to leave, and I had to drive away with him crying in the window- one of the hardest things I've ever done! But no worries, by that afternoon when I went to pick him up at Debbie's, he cried because he had to go home. All of the other days have been good days!
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| Sawyer has come home WORN OUT from playing with other kids- maybe that's why he never sleeps- we need another kid! |
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| My pretty wood floor underneath the nasty tile! |
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| Welcome to my polka dot room! |
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| This year, we are recycling, and we are checking phones into the pocket chart at the door. NO CELL PHONES! |
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| Look at all those classes I've had! |
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| Time is passing... are you? |
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| Sawyer has also been coming home FILTHY from playing with his friends. :) |
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| Good morning world! |
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| While I am slaving away, Sawyer is playing outside and swimming. |
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| What's better than a mouthful of bubbles? |
Saturday, August 24, 2013
An Open Letter to Christian Parents Who Send Their Kids to Public School
Before I start, I realize that this is a very personal subject. Anything dealing with kids is personal, and sometimes it's painfully so. I truly believe the decision to home school or send children to private school is a sacrifice. The purpose of this is not to make anyone feel guilty for not sending their kids to public school. However, I work 40+ hours a week in a public school, and I want to champion and encourage those who have joined me in that mission field loving on some very amazing kids. This (long) letter is for them.
Dear Parents,
I am simultaneously beginning my fourth year of teaching in a public school and my third year of parenting. Both are complexly difficult and amazingly rewarding jobs. No matter where you are in your journey of parenting- brand new or a seasoned veteran- congrats on getting this far. It's no easy thing.
I grew up in a Christian school until I turned fourteen, when I switched to my local public high school. I spent three years there, and then I went to a Christian college for four years. I then got a job as a high school English teacher, where I have spent more time learning and growing than teaching. I've walked in both public and private halls, and I've been on both sides of the desk.
I don't know how you arrived at your decision to send your kids to public school. I know that you want the very best for your kids. For some of you, it was an agonizing realization that you could never afford to stay home and home school or send kids to private school, and for others, it was the only option you ever considered. Either way, if your kids are members of a K-12 district in the United States, you need to know some things.
You've probably heard about how much darkness is in our public schools. You've probably heard how it stalks the halls, how science reigns over religion, how God is disdained, how girls and boys are sexting and sexing and getting pregnant, how drinking and drugs are prevalent, how the teachings of the Bible are not to be found in the curriculum, (fill in the blank with all you've heard). This is partly true. The public school is a dark place. Anywhere you gather a lot of lost people, it becomes dark. Anywhere from which you withdraw all sources of light becomes full of darkness.
That light is so very needed. I am desperate for more of that light. When that light appears in those public school halls, some amazing things happen. A difference is made, lives are changed, and hearts are healed.
When I was in my public high school, I found some amazing friends. I met my two best friends when I was the new girl on the softball team. Before practice started, we were supposed to pair up and play catch. Well, there were an odd number of girls, and I was the new girl, so... My two best friends invited me into their pair and into their hearts. They were (and still are) beautiful inside and outside. Ten years later, both have been on various missions around the world. Erin is a mommy and has a heart for missions- both overseas and in her little town. Emily is a defender of social justice in the business arena, fighting for fair trade and equality. Both have been catalysts of Jesus in my life, and both have contributed to the healing and building of my soul. Both were public-school born and raised. Your kids are the source of that light.
When I was in my public high school, I watched my friend Andy's life change- start to (still) finishing. Another classmate's parents loved Jesus, and they were super-involved in the school community. From what I gathered, they were "those" parents. They knew all the kids by name, they converted their basement into our hangout area and were always open to us being over there (day or night), they held a weekly Bible study, and they loved kids who were not their own through every teenage crisis known to man (mine included). After ELEVEN years of loving Andy, through good and bad, kindergarten to drivers ed, something happened. Andy found the source of their love. Ten years later, he's a youth pastor in Oklahoma, loving other kids into the Light. You are the source of that light.
When I was in my public high school, I had teachers who loved the Lord, and they loved me- despite my GPA or batting average, they loved me. When I was completely overwhelmed by hurt and sadness for various reasons, they supported and encouraged me. When I was overjoyed at life, they celebrated with me. They taught me. They were hard on me. They asked me difficult questions. They saw me day in, day out, in every season. They never broke the law, and yet they were the source of that light.
Students, parents, and teachers- they shined with the light of Love, and they changed lives.
But that was years ago, you protest. Maybe it's not the same. The world has gotten so much worse- so much more hostile towards the faith that we hold so dearly. To that, I say this:
Two years ago, a kid who was not at the top of the popularity chain got a stomach bug. He was very overweight, was socially awkward at times, and didn't have many friends. He was very sick, and he couldn't make it to the bathroom (which is right next to my classroom) despite his best efforts. He threw up down the main hallway, loudly, and kids started looking out the doors and chuckling to themselves or being overtly grossed out. Another kid, who is very well-liked, athletic, handsome, smart, and a Jesus-lover, bounded out of my classroom before I could stop him, only to go to the sick kid and say, "Are you ok, buddy? Can I get you something?" Yours kids are the sources of that light.
Three years ago, a girl sat in my room crying, because classmates had started a Facebook group about her, saying insulting things about her and to her. While I got to reassure her and tell her all the important things- she's beautiful, she's smart, this will not last- the better comfort were a few of her friends, who were able to tell her she was more than the lies portrayed, and they rallied around her to build her up and point her to the One who knows the truth about her. Your kids are the sources of that light.
Every year, we have deep discussion about everything under the sun. We talk about bullying. We talk about faith. We talk about family issues. We talk about sex. We talk about the justification of the relativity of truth. We talk about how the worldview of culture has shifted throughout literary eras- viewing humanity through the lenses of renowned authors. We talk about afterlife theories of the ancient Greece, Medieval times, modern-day. Every year, my class writes about personal things. I read stories of relationships that left hearts broken and the wondering if love even is real. I read about moms and dads leaving- by choice. I read about sons' inability to please their fathers, no matter how hard they try. Kids will write things they will never say. Every year, I witness parents talking down to their children. I watch girls put their hope in sixteen-year-old boys who cannot possibly fulfill them. I watch boys struggle to be seen as men all the while having no idea what it means to be a man. I watch parents divorce and parents leave. I watch kids react when parents and grandparents die. I watch kids struggle through what it means to grow up. I watch kids hook up and party and drive too fast and do all of the things you're afraid of your kids doing in their teen years. I watch their successes and their failures. And where my voice is but a whisper lost in a crowd, your kids step in. When the law prevents me from going further into a conversation about God or church or Christianity, your kids step in. When I see broken kids, your kids step in to be a source of healing. When kids are looking for a better crowd, for someone to accept them, for someone to show them what meaning looks like, your kids step in. I'm not saying they're perfect; they have their own successes and failures and are far from perfection. But your kids are the sources of that light.
Last year, I watched as some Christian kids led a drama club (unfortunately for them run by me) through a successful year. Those drama kids, as the stereotype goes, are not always the most popular kids in school. Some are shy. Some are artistically different. Some are not athletic. Some are gay. All are amazing. Those Christian seniors loved them, encouraged them, had fun with them, and created with them. The day before the rehearsal in front of the entire school k-12, one of them wanted to pray as a group. I told them that I was completely fine with them doing that, but I couldn't lead them in that or be a part of it. I watched as this kid circled the group and prayed confidence and strength into their lives- into some kids' lives who have never stepped foot in a church building. Your kids are the sources of that light.
Because I am at the high school level, I don't have as much interaction with parents as the younger grades do. I usually have a few parent-teacher conferences, and usually those are only with parents of kids who are struggling or when someone disagrees with a grade his or her child earned. But I will tell you honestly- the most helpful, most involved, most positive parents I have been around in conferences, in class sponsorship and prom planning were some of the Christian parents. They were the ones who didn't attack me without understanding, who didn't create drama, who didn't complain about every. little. thing. I do, not realizing that I love their kids greatly. One student's mom contacted me multiple times my first year of teaching just to ask how she could pray for me. That meant the world to me as a brand new, fledgling teacher trying to figure out how to handle kids who are taller and *sometimes* smarter than I am. You are the source of that light.
And to the teacher-parents, to myself: you are the ones who fill double-duties with single hearts. You are the ones who honestly feel like you have 109 kids. You are the ones who leave your children(your heart) in the hands of others to give, and give, and give the rest of your heart. You are the ones whose heart never feels like it can handle all the love these kids need to survive. You are the ones who feel like you are alone in this mission- like your screaming Truth is drowned in hundreds of voices of lies until you have no voice left. You are the ones who walk into your happy homes, kiss your toddler's cute face, and wonder with a broken heart if anyone is caring for your other kids that way. You are the ones who witness hate and abuse written on the faces of your students, and you desperately try to cram in a lifetime's worth of healing and love into a forty-three minute period, even if all you can do is say how unique their point of view is, and how glad you are that they are there to share it with the class. You are the ones who buy school supplies from your own bank account because that one kid has been using the same beat-up folder for two years. You are the ones who constantly feel like a second-class citizen in the eyes of the world and the church for your profession because you don't make enough, because it's not a private school, because you work away from home, because the public school has so many political problems. You are the ones who lie awake at night with a heavy heart wishing to solve all of the problems, wishing to be there to hug, protect, defend, speak truth, and provide for kids. You are the ones who simultaneously love and hate summer- you love it for its break of carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders, but you hate it because you cannot make sure your kids are all right every day. You are the ones seriously contemplating how to adopt a few of the kids you know you could give a better home to. You are the few dear ones who carry the burdens of the many to the only One who can truly bear them. You are the ones who walk around your classrooms and pray continually, because no amount of darkness can stop that light in your soul. You are the source of that light.
Without all of these sources of light, the story would be different. It would be darker. It would be more painful. It would be harder. No matter how hard your road is in the public school system, no matter how it's lacking or you're lacking, you are making a difference. I am so thankful for you. I need you. I need more people to take up this cross. I cannot possibly care for the 109 kids I have in my classroom every day and the many more outside of my classroom alone. We are the source of the Light. Thank you for your willingness to shine.
In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.- Matthew 5:16
So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come:The old has gone, the new is come! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God.- 2 Corinthians 5:16-20
Dear Parents,
I am simultaneously beginning my fourth year of teaching in a public school and my third year of parenting. Both are complexly difficult and amazingly rewarding jobs. No matter where you are in your journey of parenting- brand new or a seasoned veteran- congrats on getting this far. It's no easy thing.
I grew up in a Christian school until I turned fourteen, when I switched to my local public high school. I spent three years there, and then I went to a Christian college for four years. I then got a job as a high school English teacher, where I have spent more time learning and growing than teaching. I've walked in both public and private halls, and I've been on both sides of the desk.
I don't know how you arrived at your decision to send your kids to public school. I know that you want the very best for your kids. For some of you, it was an agonizing realization that you could never afford to stay home and home school or send kids to private school, and for others, it was the only option you ever considered. Either way, if your kids are members of a K-12 district in the United States, you need to know some things.
You've probably heard about how much darkness is in our public schools. You've probably heard how it stalks the halls, how science reigns over religion, how God is disdained, how girls and boys are sexting and sexing and getting pregnant, how drinking and drugs are prevalent, how the teachings of the Bible are not to be found in the curriculum, (fill in the blank with all you've heard). This is partly true. The public school is a dark place. Anywhere you gather a lot of lost people, it becomes dark. Anywhere from which you withdraw all sources of light becomes full of darkness.
You and I, and our kids: we are the sources of Light.
That light is so very needed. I am desperate for more of that light. When that light appears in those public school halls, some amazing things happen. A difference is made, lives are changed, and hearts are healed.
When I was in my public high school, I found some amazing friends. I met my two best friends when I was the new girl on the softball team. Before practice started, we were supposed to pair up and play catch. Well, there were an odd number of girls, and I was the new girl, so... My two best friends invited me into their pair and into their hearts. They were (and still are) beautiful inside and outside. Ten years later, both have been on various missions around the world. Erin is a mommy and has a heart for missions- both overseas and in her little town. Emily is a defender of social justice in the business arena, fighting for fair trade and equality. Both have been catalysts of Jesus in my life, and both have contributed to the healing and building of my soul. Both were public-school born and raised. Your kids are the source of that light.
When I was in my public high school, I watched my friend Andy's life change- start to (still) finishing. Another classmate's parents loved Jesus, and they were super-involved in the school community. From what I gathered, they were "those" parents. They knew all the kids by name, they converted their basement into our hangout area and were always open to us being over there (day or night), they held a weekly Bible study, and they loved kids who were not their own through every teenage crisis known to man (mine included). After ELEVEN years of loving Andy, through good and bad, kindergarten to drivers ed, something happened. Andy found the source of their love. Ten years later, he's a youth pastor in Oklahoma, loving other kids into the Light. You are the source of that light.
When I was in my public high school, I had teachers who loved the Lord, and they loved me- despite my GPA or batting average, they loved me. When I was completely overwhelmed by hurt and sadness for various reasons, they supported and encouraged me. When I was overjoyed at life, they celebrated with me. They taught me. They were hard on me. They asked me difficult questions. They saw me day in, day out, in every season. They never broke the law, and yet they were the source of that light.
Students, parents, and teachers- they shined with the light of Love, and they changed lives.
But that was years ago, you protest. Maybe it's not the same. The world has gotten so much worse- so much more hostile towards the faith that we hold so dearly. To that, I say this:
Two years ago, a kid who was not at the top of the popularity chain got a stomach bug. He was very overweight, was socially awkward at times, and didn't have many friends. He was very sick, and he couldn't make it to the bathroom (which is right next to my classroom) despite his best efforts. He threw up down the main hallway, loudly, and kids started looking out the doors and chuckling to themselves or being overtly grossed out. Another kid, who is very well-liked, athletic, handsome, smart, and a Jesus-lover, bounded out of my classroom before I could stop him, only to go to the sick kid and say, "Are you ok, buddy? Can I get you something?" Yours kids are the sources of that light.
Three years ago, a girl sat in my room crying, because classmates had started a Facebook group about her, saying insulting things about her and to her. While I got to reassure her and tell her all the important things- she's beautiful, she's smart, this will not last- the better comfort were a few of her friends, who were able to tell her she was more than the lies portrayed, and they rallied around her to build her up and point her to the One who knows the truth about her. Your kids are the sources of that light.
Every year, we have deep discussion about everything under the sun. We talk about bullying. We talk about faith. We talk about family issues. We talk about sex. We talk about the justification of the relativity of truth. We talk about how the worldview of culture has shifted throughout literary eras- viewing humanity through the lenses of renowned authors. We talk about afterlife theories of the ancient Greece, Medieval times, modern-day. Every year, my class writes about personal things. I read stories of relationships that left hearts broken and the wondering if love even is real. I read about moms and dads leaving- by choice. I read about sons' inability to please their fathers, no matter how hard they try. Kids will write things they will never say. Every year, I witness parents talking down to their children. I watch girls put their hope in sixteen-year-old boys who cannot possibly fulfill them. I watch boys struggle to be seen as men all the while having no idea what it means to be a man. I watch parents divorce and parents leave. I watch kids react when parents and grandparents die. I watch kids struggle through what it means to grow up. I watch kids hook up and party and drive too fast and do all of the things you're afraid of your kids doing in their teen years. I watch their successes and their failures. And where my voice is but a whisper lost in a crowd, your kids step in. When the law prevents me from going further into a conversation about God or church or Christianity, your kids step in. When I see broken kids, your kids step in to be a source of healing. When kids are looking for a better crowd, for someone to accept them, for someone to show them what meaning looks like, your kids step in. I'm not saying they're perfect; they have their own successes and failures and are far from perfection. But your kids are the sources of that light.
Last year, I watched as some Christian kids led a drama club (unfortunately for them run by me) through a successful year. Those drama kids, as the stereotype goes, are not always the most popular kids in school. Some are shy. Some are artistically different. Some are not athletic. Some are gay. All are amazing. Those Christian seniors loved them, encouraged them, had fun with them, and created with them. The day before the rehearsal in front of the entire school k-12, one of them wanted to pray as a group. I told them that I was completely fine with them doing that, but I couldn't lead them in that or be a part of it. I watched as this kid circled the group and prayed confidence and strength into their lives- into some kids' lives who have never stepped foot in a church building. Your kids are the sources of that light.
Because I am at the high school level, I don't have as much interaction with parents as the younger grades do. I usually have a few parent-teacher conferences, and usually those are only with parents of kids who are struggling or when someone disagrees with a grade his or her child earned. But I will tell you honestly- the most helpful, most involved, most positive parents I have been around in conferences, in class sponsorship and prom planning were some of the Christian parents. They were the ones who didn't attack me without understanding, who didn't create drama, who didn't complain about every. little. thing. I do, not realizing that I love their kids greatly. One student's mom contacted me multiple times my first year of teaching just to ask how she could pray for me. That meant the world to me as a brand new, fledgling teacher trying to figure out how to handle kids who are taller and *sometimes* smarter than I am. You are the source of that light.
And to the teacher-parents, to myself: you are the ones who fill double-duties with single hearts. You are the ones who honestly feel like you have 109 kids. You are the ones who leave your children(your heart) in the hands of others to give, and give, and give the rest of your heart. You are the ones whose heart never feels like it can handle all the love these kids need to survive. You are the ones who feel like you are alone in this mission- like your screaming Truth is drowned in hundreds of voices of lies until you have no voice left. You are the ones who walk into your happy homes, kiss your toddler's cute face, and wonder with a broken heart if anyone is caring for your other kids that way. You are the ones who witness hate and abuse written on the faces of your students, and you desperately try to cram in a lifetime's worth of healing and love into a forty-three minute period, even if all you can do is say how unique their point of view is, and how glad you are that they are there to share it with the class. You are the ones who buy school supplies from your own bank account because that one kid has been using the same beat-up folder for two years. You are the ones who constantly feel like a second-class citizen in the eyes of the world and the church for your profession because you don't make enough, because it's not a private school, because you work away from home, because the public school has so many political problems. You are the ones who lie awake at night with a heavy heart wishing to solve all of the problems, wishing to be there to hug, protect, defend, speak truth, and provide for kids. You are the ones who simultaneously love and hate summer- you love it for its break of carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders, but you hate it because you cannot make sure your kids are all right every day. You are the ones seriously contemplating how to adopt a few of the kids you know you could give a better home to. You are the few dear ones who carry the burdens of the many to the only One who can truly bear them. You are the ones who walk around your classrooms and pray continually, because no amount of darkness can stop that light in your soul. You are the source of that light.
Without all of these sources of light, the story would be different. It would be darker. It would be more painful. It would be harder. No matter how hard your road is in the public school system, no matter how it's lacking or you're lacking, you are making a difference. I am so thankful for you. I need you. I need more people to take up this cross. I cannot possibly care for the 109 kids I have in my classroom every day and the many more outside of my classroom alone. We are the source of the Light. Thank you for your willingness to shine.
In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.- Matthew 5:16
So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come:The old has gone, the new is come! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God.- 2 Corinthians 5:16-20
You're awesome. Keep it up.
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