Inside

Last night I ended up having a great conversation with a girl who attended college with me. I think it speaks for itself, and it might let you into a little bit of what we're thinking behind our adoption plans.

Her: I'm sure you've already done tons of research on adoption, but here's a website that lists possible financial helps for the process: http://www.adoptionassistance.com/Financial-Aid.asp

Me:Thanks! We will definitely look into that!

Her: You're welcome. My husband and I have actually been looking into adoption ourselves since we haven't been able to have children, but we won't be able to until we find a new house. So, I knew you'd need all the financial help you could get.

Me: That's awesome! I mean, it's not awesome to undergo not being able to get pregnant. It took 14 months with Sawyer, and so far, we have not been able to get pregnant a second time. We always wanted to adopt, but we thought it would be a bit later- after we had some kids. This second time around, after I got through some anger and bitterness about not getting pregnant, we started being open to adopting sooner rather than later. And God has been opening doors! We know it is expensive, but that is an opportunity for God to show himself in big ways. It cost him a lot to adopt us, so I am pretty sure he can handle 25,000+ dollars! Please know as you consider adopting that it is not the lesser of the two- it's not the poor man's pregnancy, so to speak. It is a beautiful picture of Christ's love for us,  and I can already tell you the love I feel for my future adopted minis is the same as I feel for Sawyer. I don't know how you've been processing adoption and pregnancy, but I wanted to encourage you that adoption is as beautiful as, if not more than, pregnancy. You will be a great mama to some kids someday!

Her: Thank you for that. It means a lot and I needed to hear it. I think the hardest part of not getting pregnant is well-meaning Christians giving us what they think to be encouragement but really just causes frustration for us. We've always been open to adoption, but, like you said, thought it would be later after having our own kids. Recently, a friend of mine had a baby (after having hormone shots to make it possible) and was upset that we were "giving up" on having our own kids (we've decided not to seek help from doctors because we know it's in God's hands). She kept saying "there's just no feeling like feeling your child moving in your womb" and stuff like that...it was really discouraging to say the least. I tell you that so you'll know how much it means to have you affirm the beauty of adoption. So again, thank you.

Me: Oh, girl. To be honest? The first couple weeks of feeling a baby it feels like gas. The rest of the time, it is rather painful having someone kick you from the inside out and push on your ribs and bladder. Beautiful? Sure. Probably more from the idea of growing a child. No feeling like it? Well, next time you have gas, you can pretty much get the same concept. 😉 It was nice, but to be honest, there is no feeling like being a parent. There is no feeling like your child wrapping his arms around you, or letting you kiss away his problems. There is no feeling like being your child's whole entire world for a time. There is no feeling like seeing his face light up when you come to wake him up and start a new day. There is no feeling like sacrificing your wants or needs for your child's wants or needs. There is no feeling like introducing your child to ice cream and butterflies and sand castles and tickling and haircuts and snowmen pajamas. Those are FAR more precious and beautiful and special than anything I felt during pregnancy. All of those things you will feel as a mama- no matter how your children come to you! Adoption is beautiful, and viable, and God-given, just like pregnancy. It's the same love. Obviously, I don't know this *yet* from having an adopted child in my home, but he or she is already growing in our hearts. We look forward to, pray for, and can't wait for him or her just like we did for Sawyer. You guys will be GREAT parents, and it's the same love. You're not giving up- you're just being open to the plans he has for your family. One thing we learned from another mama who was in our position (and now she has three amazing boys- 11, 3, and 2 from Ethiopia) is that she prayed before the adoption process even started for "mama love". She and her husband are teachers at an elementary school- they love a lot of kids. They prayed specifically that God would grant them the love parents have for kids in their adoption process, especially because they had to look at profiles of children and choose which ones were theirs. I promise you with my entire heart that the love they have for their boys is the exact love we have for our son. I cannot tell you enough that you are not giving up- you might be receiving one of the best gifts God could ever offer to you! Adoption brings in a lot of criticism. It invites people's opinions where none were asked for. If you've ever seen or read Anne of Green Gables, you'll get a lot of Rachel Lyndes, with their horror stories or critical opinions of how it's not a good idea, or pregnancy or even medical help is a better path (believe me, we've already had a child, so people are like, "Why don't you just have more?). But you know what? Anne Shirley was a great path. And if someone looked the same way at the way God adopted us, his actions have some horror story endings for some people. It doesn't turn out just right in all situations. It cost a lot. It was hard, and there were no guarantees. But here you and I are, and it's messy, and it's painful to grow as a daughter of God, but it's beautiful, and it's redemption. Adoption is amazing. We will be praying for you guys in your journey to children- for your hearts and for your encouragement and for the practical- new house, fundraising, etc.! It will be awesome!

Her: Thank you, Emily. God has without a doubt given you the words that my heart needed to hear, and it has literally touched me to tears. I already know you and Daniel are already great parents so I have no doubt that you will be great with your future son or daughter. I've definitely found a sister of the heart in you. Please let me know if there's anything I can do to help you guys with the adoption process or if you just need someone to unload on. (Forgive the use of a preposition at the end of that sentence, please )

I hope that gives insight into what to say, or what not to say, or even just what in the world we're thinking undergoing adoption. :)