Back to School!

One week down, 35 weeks to go. :) Sawyer did fine with the transition. We really only had one hard day. I have been getting up earlier than last year in an effort to be ready when Sawyer wakes up. He wakes up slowly, and he really likes to cuddle with me and watch a show before he faces the world. It does my heart good, too, to spend time with him before school. Halfway through the week, he wasn't quite ready for me to leave, and I had to drive away with him crying in the window- one of the hardest things I've ever done! But no worries, by that afternoon when I went to pick him up at Debbie's, he cried because he had to go home. All of the other days have been good days!

Sawyer has come home WORN OUT from playing with other kids- maybe that's why he never sleeps- we need another kid!

My pretty wood floor underneath the nasty tile!

Welcome to my polka dot room!

This year, we are recycling, and we are checking phones into the pocket chart at the door. NO CELL PHONES!

Look at all those classes I've had!

Time is passing... are you?

Sawyer has also been coming home FILTHY from playing with his friends. :)

Good morning world!

While I am slaving away, Sawyer is playing outside and swimming.

What's better than a mouthful of bubbles?

An Open Letter to Christian Parents Who Send Their Kids to Public School

Before I start, I realize that this is a very personal subject. Anything dealing with kids is personal, and sometimes it's painfully so. I truly believe the decision to home school or send children to private school is a sacrifice. The purpose of this is not to make anyone feel guilty for not sending their kids to public school. However, I work 40+ hours a week in a public school, and I want to champion and encourage those who have joined me in that mission field loving on some very amazing kids. This (long) letter is for them.

 Dear Parents,

I am simultaneously beginning my fourth year of teaching in a public school and my third year of parenting. Both are complexly difficult and amazingly rewarding jobs. No matter where you are in your journey of parenting- brand new or a seasoned veteran- congrats on getting this far. It's no easy thing.

I grew up in a Christian school until I turned fourteen, when I switched to my local public high school. I spent three years there, and then I went to a Christian college for four years. I then got a job as a high school English teacher, where I have spent more time learning and growing than teaching. I've walked in both public and private halls, and I've been on both sides of the desk.

I don't know how you arrived at your decision to send your kids to public school. I know that you want the very best for your kids. For some of you, it was an agonizing realization that you could never afford to stay home and home school or send kids to private school, and for others, it was the only option you ever considered. Either way, if your kids are members of a K-12 district in the United States, you need to know some things.

You've probably heard about how much darkness is in our public schools. You've probably heard how it stalks the halls, how science reigns over religion, how God is disdained, how girls and boys are sexting and sexing and getting pregnant, how drinking and drugs are prevalent, how the teachings of the Bible are not to be found in the curriculum, (fill in the blank with all you've heard). This is partly true. The public school is a dark place. Anywhere you gather a lot of lost people, it becomes dark. Anywhere from which you withdraw all sources of light becomes full of darkness.

You and I, and our kids: we are the sources of Light.

That light is so very needed. I am desperate for more of that light. When that light appears in those public school halls, some amazing things happen. A difference is made, lives are changed, and hearts are healed. 

When I was in my public high school, I found some amazing friends. I met my two best friends when I was the new girl on the softball team. Before practice started, we were supposed to pair up and play catch. Well, there were an odd number of girls, and I was the new girl, so... My two best friends invited me into their pair and into their hearts. They were (and still are) beautiful inside and outside. Ten years later, both have been on various missions around the world. Erin is a mommy and has a heart for missions- both overseas and in her little town. Emily is a defender of social justice in the business arena, fighting for fair trade and equality. Both have been catalysts of Jesus in my life, and both have contributed to the healing and building of my soul. Both were public-school born and raised. Your kids are the source of that light.

When I was in my public high school, I watched my friend Andy's life change- start to (still) finishing. Another classmate's parents loved Jesus, and they were super-involved in the school community. From what I gathered, they were "those" parents. They knew all the kids by name, they converted their basement into our hangout area and were always open to us being over there (day or night), they held a weekly Bible study, and they loved kids who were not their own through every teenage crisis known to man (mine included). After ELEVEN years of loving Andy, through good and bad, kindergarten to drivers ed, something happened. Andy found the source of their love. Ten years later, he's a youth pastor in Oklahoma, loving other kids into the Light. You are the source of that light.

When I was in my public high school, I had teachers who loved the Lord, and they loved me- despite my GPA or batting average, they loved me. When I was completely overwhelmed by hurt and sadness for various reasons, they supported and encouraged me. When I was overjoyed at life, they celebrated with me. They taught me. They were hard on me. They asked me difficult questions. They saw me day in, day out, in every season. They never broke the law, and yet they were the source of that light.

Students, parents, and teachers- they shined with the light of Love, and they changed lives.

But that was years ago, you protest. Maybe it's not the same. The world has gotten so much worse- so much more hostile towards the faith that we hold so dearly. To that, I say this:

Two years ago, a kid who was not at the top of the popularity chain got a stomach bug. He was very overweight, was socially awkward at times, and didn't have many friends. He was very sick, and he couldn't make it to the bathroom (which is right next to my classroom) despite his best efforts. He threw up down the main hallway, loudly, and kids started looking out the doors and chuckling to themselves or being overtly grossed out. Another kid, who is very well-liked, athletic, handsome, smart, and a Jesus-lover, bounded out of my classroom before I could stop him, only to go to the sick kid and say, "Are you ok, buddy? Can I get you something?" Yours kids are the sources of that light. 

Three years ago, a girl sat in my room crying, because classmates had started a Facebook group about her, saying insulting things about her and to her. While I got to reassure her and tell her all the important things- she's beautiful, she's smart, this will not last- the better comfort were a few of her friends, who were able to tell her she was more than the lies portrayed, and they rallied around her to build her up and point her to the One who knows the truth about her. Your kids are the sources of that light. 

Every year, we have deep discussion about everything under the sun. We talk about bullying. We talk about faith. We talk about family issues. We talk about sex. We talk about the justification of the relativity of truth. We talk about how the worldview of culture has shifted throughout literary eras- viewing humanity through the lenses of renowned authors. We talk about afterlife theories of the ancient Greece, Medieval times, modern-day. Every year, my class writes about personal things. I read stories of relationships that left hearts broken and the wondering if love even is real. I read about moms and dads leaving- by choice. I read about sons' inability to please their fathers, no matter how hard they try. Kids will write things they will never say. Every year, I witness parents talking down to their children. I watch girls put their hope in sixteen-year-old boys who cannot possibly fulfill them. I watch boys struggle to be seen as men all the while having no idea what it means to be a man. I watch parents divorce and parents leave. I watch kids react when parents and grandparents die. I watch kids struggle through what it means to grow up. I watch kids hook up and party and drive too fast and do all of the things you're afraid of your kids doing in their teen years. I watch their successes and their failures. And where my voice is but a whisper lost in a crowd, your kids step in. When the law prevents me from going further into a conversation about God or church or Christianity, your kids step in. When I see broken kids, your kids step in to be a source of healing. When kids are looking for a better crowd, for someone to accept them, for someone to show them what meaning looks like, your kids step in. I'm not saying they're perfect; they have their own successes and failures and are far from perfection. But your kids are the sources of that light.

Last year, I watched as some Christian kids led a drama club (unfortunately for them run by me) through a successful year. Those drama kids, as the stereotype goes, are not always the most popular kids in school. Some are shy. Some are artistically different. Some are not athletic. Some are gay. All are amazing. Those Christian seniors loved them, encouraged them, had fun with them, and created with them. The day before the rehearsal in front of the entire school k-12, one of them wanted to pray as a group. I told them that I was completely fine with them doing that, but I couldn't lead them in that or be a part of it. I watched as this kid circled the group and prayed confidence and strength into their lives- into some kids' lives who have never stepped foot in a church building. Your kids are the sources of that light.

Because I am at the high school level, I don't have as much interaction with parents as the younger grades do. I usually have a few parent-teacher conferences, and usually those are only with parents of kids who are struggling or when someone disagrees with a grade his or her child earned. But I will tell you honestly- the most helpful, most involved, most positive parents I have been around in conferences, in class sponsorship and prom planning were some of the Christian parents. They were the ones who didn't attack me without understanding, who didn't create drama, who didn't complain about every. little. thing. I do, not realizing that I love their kids greatly. One student's mom contacted me multiple times my first year of teaching just to ask how she could pray for me. That meant the world to me as a brand new, fledgling teacher trying to figure out how to handle kids who are taller and *sometimes* smarter than I am. You are the source of that light.

And to the teacher-parents, to myself: you are the ones who fill double-duties with single hearts. You are the ones who honestly feel like you have 109 kids. You are the ones who leave your children(your heart) in the hands of others to give, and give, and give the rest of your heart. You are the ones whose heart never feels like it can handle all the love these kids need to survive. You are the ones who feel like you are alone in this mission- like your screaming Truth is drowned in hundreds of voices of lies until you have no voice left. You are the ones who walk into your happy homes, kiss your toddler's cute face, and wonder with a broken heart if anyone is caring for your other kids that way. You are the ones who witness hate and abuse written on the faces of your students, and you desperately try to cram in a lifetime's worth of healing and love into a forty-three minute period, even if all you can do is say how unique their point of view is, and how glad you are that they are there to share it with the class. You are the ones who buy school supplies from your own bank account because that one kid has been using the same beat-up folder for two years. You are the ones who constantly feel like a second-class citizen in the eyes of the world and the church for your profession because you don't make enough, because it's not a private school, because you work away from home, because the public school has so many political problems. You are the ones who lie awake at night with a heavy heart wishing to solve all of the problems, wishing to be there to hug, protect, defend, speak truth, and provide for kids. You are the ones who simultaneously love and hate summer- you love it for its break of carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders, but you hate it because you cannot make sure your kids are all right every day. You are the ones seriously contemplating how to adopt a few of the kids you know you could give a better home to. You are the few dear ones who carry the burdens of the many to the only One who can truly bear them. You are the ones who walk around your classrooms and pray continually, because no amount of darkness can stop that light in your soul. You are the source of that light.

Without all of these sources of light, the story would be different. It would be darker. It would be more painful. It would be harder. No matter how hard your road is in the public school system, no matter how it's lacking or you're lacking, you are making a difference. I am so thankful for you. I need you. I need more people to take up this cross. I cannot possibly care for the 109 kids I have in my classroom every day and the many more outside of my classroom alone. We are the source of the Light. Thank you for your willingness to shine.

In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.- Matthew 5:16

So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come:The old has gone, the new is come! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God.- 2 Corinthians 5:16-20

You're awesome. Keep it up.  

Swingset Reveal

This year, instead of everyone buying Sawyer a lot of toys and STUFF that he really doesn't need (nor do I want to find a place to store), everyone chipped in so that we could buy him a swingset. It took Daniel about a week of working on it every night to finish it in time for his birthday. Sawyer saw the wooden parts coming together, but we saved the attachments for last so that he would not fully comprehend what it was. It was SUCH a fun present, and I know he'll make a lot more memories on it and love it for years to come!

It was a fantastic birthday. Maybe for his third birthday, everyone will chip in for a fence to keep him in the backyard! *wink wink*

Happy Second Birthday, Sawyer!

We had a fantastic birthday in the house that happened to coincide with the last day of summer- celebrations all day is a GREAT way to end my months off!

To start our day, we had breakfast and snuggled hard-core for awhile. Then we went to the park with our friends Ashton and Roman.

 Then we met Daddy for lunch at Weiner Works. Yes. You read that correctly. It's not an inappropriate place at all- just a fast food restaurant that specializes in hot dogs. Since hot dogs are Sawyer's absolute favorite, it made sense. And he ate an entire footlong hot dog by himself, easily. :)

Then it was home for a nap while I decorated for Sawyer's Curious George birthday :)

It was a GREAT day. And it only got better with the swingset reveal... coming up next!

Adoption Garage Sale

I realize as I'm writing this that even though the garage sale was only two weeks ago, we have come SO FAR in our adoption process. In the day to day it seems like nothing is getting done, but we have talked to so many people, researched so many countries, researched/called/called again so many placement agencies, home study agencies... wow. My head is overwhelmed just thinking about all of it! I will have to write a post this week specifically updating everyone on the adoption process, but for now, let's just talk garage sale fundraising.

Our sale went AMAZINGly (I wanted to write AMAZING, but that is just not proper grammar, so I had to add the -ly). The forecasted rain held off, the weather was beautiful, tons of people showed up, and God was apparent in all of it.

Signs, signs, signs!

You're only seeing about half of the pile we had to transfer from our house to the garage sale site... eek!

For sale!

We even had tarps full of stuff on the yard!

Looks like rain, right? :)

Just what I like to see! :)

All in all, we made a little over $1700 dollars from the sale, and we have numerous "big" things to sell on Craig's List now- enough to fund our home study! So we are going to start our home study (a home study is when a licensed agency comes into your home, educates you on the adoption process, and interviews you and your family to give you a license to adopt... basically, they say we are going to be a good adoptive family) ASAP!

However, way more valuable than the money were the stories we got to hear from all of these unknown people. We heard from people who had adopted children and about how their families grew. We heard from people who had been adopted themselves, and how their lives changed. We heard from people whose siblings had been adopted. We even heard from one beautiful woman who gave her daughter up for adoption fifteen years ago. We were so blessed by their willingness to share their stories, and we got to see how prevalent and affective adoption is even in our community. I was so honored to hear what they had to say. The fact that we raised money for our home study was just extra awesome-ness to the event. :)

Inside

Last night I ended up having a great conversation with a girl who attended college with me. I think it speaks for itself, and it might let you into a little bit of what we're thinking behind our adoption plans.

Her: I'm sure you've already done tons of research on adoption, but here's a website that lists possible financial helps for the process: http://www.adoptionassistance.com/Financial-Aid.asp

Me:Thanks! We will definitely look into that!

Her: You're welcome. My husband and I have actually been looking into adoption ourselves since we haven't been able to have children, but we won't be able to until we find a new house. So, I knew you'd need all the financial help you could get.

Me: That's awesome! I mean, it's not awesome to undergo not being able to get pregnant. It took 14 months with Sawyer, and so far, we have not been able to get pregnant a second time. We always wanted to adopt, but we thought it would be a bit later- after we had some kids. This second time around, after I got through some anger and bitterness about not getting pregnant, we started being open to adopting sooner rather than later. And God has been opening doors! We know it is expensive, but that is an opportunity for God to show himself in big ways. It cost him a lot to adopt us, so I am pretty sure he can handle 25,000+ dollars! Please know as you consider adopting that it is not the lesser of the two- it's not the poor man's pregnancy, so to speak. It is a beautiful picture of Christ's love for us,  and I can already tell you the love I feel for my future adopted minis is the same as I feel for Sawyer. I don't know how you've been processing adoption and pregnancy, but I wanted to encourage you that adoption is as beautiful as, if not more than, pregnancy. You will be a great mama to some kids someday!

Her: Thank you for that. It means a lot and I needed to hear it. I think the hardest part of not getting pregnant is well-meaning Christians giving us what they think to be encouragement but really just causes frustration for us. We've always been open to adoption, but, like you said, thought it would be later after having our own kids. Recently, a friend of mine had a baby (after having hormone shots to make it possible) and was upset that we were "giving up" on having our own kids (we've decided not to seek help from doctors because we know it's in God's hands). She kept saying "there's just no feeling like feeling your child moving in your womb" and stuff like that...it was really discouraging to say the least. I tell you that so you'll know how much it means to have you affirm the beauty of adoption. So again, thank you.

Me: Oh, girl. To be honest? The first couple weeks of feeling a baby it feels like gas. The rest of the time, it is rather painful having someone kick you from the inside out and push on your ribs and bladder. Beautiful? Sure. Probably more from the idea of growing a child. No feeling like it? Well, next time you have gas, you can pretty much get the same concept. 😉 It was nice, but to be honest, there is no feeling like being a parent. There is no feeling like your child wrapping his arms around you, or letting you kiss away his problems. There is no feeling like being your child's whole entire world for a time. There is no feeling like seeing his face light up when you come to wake him up and start a new day. There is no feeling like sacrificing your wants or needs for your child's wants or needs. There is no feeling like introducing your child to ice cream and butterflies and sand castles and tickling and haircuts and snowmen pajamas. Those are FAR more precious and beautiful and special than anything I felt during pregnancy. All of those things you will feel as a mama- no matter how your children come to you! Adoption is beautiful, and viable, and God-given, just like pregnancy. It's the same love. Obviously, I don't know this *yet* from having an adopted child in my home, but he or she is already growing in our hearts. We look forward to, pray for, and can't wait for him or her just like we did for Sawyer. You guys will be GREAT parents, and it's the same love. You're not giving up- you're just being open to the plans he has for your family. One thing we learned from another mama who was in our position (and now she has three amazing boys- 11, 3, and 2 from Ethiopia) is that she prayed before the adoption process even started for "mama love". She and her husband are teachers at an elementary school- they love a lot of kids. They prayed specifically that God would grant them the love parents have for kids in their adoption process, especially because they had to look at profiles of children and choose which ones were theirs. I promise you with my entire heart that the love they have for their boys is the exact love we have for our son. I cannot tell you enough that you are not giving up- you might be receiving one of the best gifts God could ever offer to you! Adoption brings in a lot of criticism. It invites people's opinions where none were asked for. If you've ever seen or read Anne of Green Gables, you'll get a lot of Rachel Lyndes, with their horror stories or critical opinions of how it's not a good idea, or pregnancy or even medical help is a better path (believe me, we've already had a child, so people are like, "Why don't you just have more?). But you know what? Anne Shirley was a great path. And if someone looked the same way at the way God adopted us, his actions have some horror story endings for some people. It doesn't turn out just right in all situations. It cost a lot. It was hard, and there were no guarantees. But here you and I are, and it's messy, and it's painful to grow as a daughter of God, but it's beautiful, and it's redemption. Adoption is amazing. We will be praying for you guys in your journey to children- for your hearts and for your encouragement and for the practical- new house, fundraising, etc.! It will be awesome!

Her: Thank you, Emily. God has without a doubt given you the words that my heart needed to hear, and it has literally touched me to tears. I already know you and Daniel are already great parents so I have no doubt that you will be great with your future son or daughter. I've definitely found a sister of the heart in you. Please let me know if there's anything I can do to help you guys with the adoption process or if you just need someone to unload on. (Forgive the use of a preposition at the end of that sentence, please )

I hope that gives insight into what to say, or what not to say, or even just what in the world we're thinking undergoing adoption. :) 

Camping

Another thing on our list of fun activities is camping. We have acquired a really nice tent, camp chairs, and a handy husband to do most of the work over the years. We decided to pack the hot dogs and take off to my parents' land in Indiana. It was quite... um... rugged, but it was a free campsite, so the hauling multiple loads from the car to the middle of the forest up a huge hill was worth it to us.

He looks *sooooooo* little!

skeptical!

They were tearing down the foliage for a place to set up our tent!

Sawyer seemed a little skeptical until we pulled out the hot dogs. Then he seemed ok. Then we pulled out the s'mores, and he seemed pretty enthusiastic about this whole camping ordeal.

Creepily, I woke up at 6:20am with Sawyer sitting at our feet just watching us sleep. I pulled him back to bed with us, and we woke up at 8 much more normally!

Thanks to Daddy, this little bear had s'mores for breakfast!

Take Me Out to the Ball Game!

Even though we live in a fairly boring area, Daniel and I have been intentional enough to keep a running list of fun things for our family to do within a reasonable distance. One of the great things our town does have to offer is a farm-league baseball stadium. For the past two summers, Daniel has been feeding the team before every home game through FCA. He has a good relationship with the players, coaches, and owner of the stadium. Also, Sawyer LOVES baseball. He absolutely loves it. He is mesmerized by the players, and he plays with his bat, ball, tee, and glove almost every day. He's got a pretty good throw, so much so that Daniel and I are not really batting any more, just defending our heads from his throw with the bat. We decided to take him to a game when the weather was 75 and sunny!

He consistently said "Oh, wow!" or "GO!"

 So, in the midst of the game, while the Dans were batting, one player left his glove right near this fence on the ground. Sure enough, Sawyer squeezed his little hand underneath the fence, and took the glove. He had it on and was running away. Daniel had to rescue it and give it back so the Dans could take the field. Sawyer was NOT happy.

 He was so impressed by the real baseball players. I know every mom thinks her kid is awesome, but I truly would not be surprised if Sawyer were playing on this field someday. He loves it that much, and he's that good at the game. Right now he "runs the bases" and slides any time anyone hits the ball, and then he spreads his little arms out and says, "SAFE!". He hasn't quite gotten the concept of "out" yet- he's a little too confident in his abilities for that.