One Day of Teaching...

Last night Sawyer had a (thankfully now) rare night of sleeplessness. I slept all of three hours. At 7:15am on my second day back to school after Christmas break, I was still trying to pull myself out of bed. Then, at 7:46am (I'm supposed to be at work at 7:45, but let's be honest, I'm always late these days), Sawyer really didn't want me to leave.

After three weeks home snuggling, my entire world revolving around my little family, I felt done. Sign me up for the next stay at home mom position; this is too hard. I don't have enough to go around. And it's only day two of the semester.

At 7:50am, I walked past the door to the room my best teacher friend used to occupy- until this morning. Now she's all military intelligence awesomeness. Her old door was closed, and she's pretty much the pick-me-up spirit of my teaching world. So that sucked.

At 7:55am, another teacher was in my room crying, after yet another blow to her life. She was telling me she didn't understand- that every time she prayed, something worse happened. How can that be? Did I ever feel that way? I had no answers, and the bell rang to officially start my day.

Seriously. Please let me snuggle and change diapers and answer questions with the difficulty range of why we can't have M&Ms for lunch, like I have the past three weeks.

So I spent the first four periods of the school day (grumpy) trying to stay awake while answering all the questions of 49 sophomores writing the rough drafts of their research papers. And for the record, the sound of simultaneous typing of research papers by my students has always been one of my most favorite sounds. I'm not even lying- it soothes me so much. I was already in danger of falling asleep standing up; that didn't help.

Fifth hour woke me up- physically and emotionally. First of all, the subject was a lot of fun to teach. We took brain hemisphere tests, and we talked about how poetry is a compilation of using both sides of the brain dominant traits. Maybe that sounds boring to you, but it makes for interesting conversations, and it helps me engage my students in an introduction to poetry, and it lets me in on their lives. We discussed poetic techniques, and we found song lyrics to use to search for those techniques on Monday.

And here I am, almost twelve hours later, with still no sleep. I caught myself lying in bed at 1:40am worrying about my kids. So how did I get from wanting to be done to worrying?

It was in the moments of fifth hour, and those that followed in the afternoon.

It was when I got to tell the two decidedly sullen girls hunkered down in the back that one time, way back in college, I learned to skateboard. And I'm goofy-footed. Which they thought was totally cool, and I earned just a teeny bit of respect.

It was when I told my sweet girl with the crazy colored hair that I've always wanted purple highlights. And her eyes brightened like, "Maybe she's not so lame." (By the way, watch out world- this English teacher is going to be rocking some purple highlights soon- if only to brighten those eyes just a little bit more).

It was when I got to explain alliteration as a poetic technique, which is basically a tongue twister. And then, rabbit trail, this isn't alliteration because it doesn't have repeating consonants, but five points extra credit to the first person who can say this fast and right:
         

1 Smart Feller, he felt smart. 2 smart fellers, they felt smart. 3 smart fellers, they felt smart.

(go ahead, try it. Five points extra credit to you if you get it)

It was when I had a room full of laughing teenagers, who can ALL tell you what alliteration is now, despite my rabbit trail. And maybe, just maybe, they got to forget their troubles for a moment.

It was when I got to proclaim to the room that this awesome girl, because her test results were exactly half and half for her brain dominance, was really special. This girl had the ability to rock this poetry unit. It was when she was grinning and feeling important, while just yesterday she wrote me three paragraphs about how tired she was. Her parents and home life are not great, and she takes care of her siblings almost full time. She feels overlooked and overused. But in that moment- she was the special one. 

It was when we had five extra minutes, and I looked up to realize I had a group of kids clustered around my desk wanting to talk to me (and oh, how I wanted to talk to them- posting grades could totally wait).

It was when they asked what I did for New Years, and I told them I was stuck on the couch with strep throat while Daniel took care of me. It was then when we talked for five minutes about how a true man doesn't care about missing out on parties or the NYE kiss or whatever it may be; he cares for those who depend on him. 

It was when I got to see some of my Lost Boys, as I call them to Daniel, in study hall, and ask how they were doing.

It was long after, when we ate dinner with some teacher friends from two other schools, and we were reminded that Christmas Break for some doesn't mean what it means for us. For me it meant two glorious weeks with my loves- cooking and cleaning and loving on them. Plus three snow days? C'mon. Life is heaven. 

But for some of my kids, Christmas Break is a prison. It's a two week period trapped in a hard life, a painful life, a miserable life. And then three extra snow days. For some of my kids, it's a hard you and your kids will never know. 

And here I was this morning, angry not to be well-slept and half-showered, all the while with a full stomach and a full heart. Here I was this morning ready to throw the towel in because it was uncomfortable for me to leave my amazing home life. 

And here I am, at 2:09am unable to sleep for worry of my kids' discomfort, and the only way I feel like sleep is possible is after pouring out my heart.

This is not a post about how important working moms are, or even how important I am. Someone else could do my job- probably way better than I can. This is not a slight against stay at home moms; I think that's an awesome job, and I hope I get to do it someday. I really do. 

But for now, I'm called to teach. It's hard for me to accept that calling some days. I mean, it's not like I'm leading kids to Jesus left and right. I'm not fixing their problems, and I'm sure as heck not the best educator who could be preparing them for college or life. Most of them will not even look back on my time with them as intensely as I will. For the most part, I feel like I'm doing nothing at all influential. 

But yet, in all of those moments, I find peace. It's not a comfortable peace, but a peace despite discomfort. My heart hurts for moments I miss with Sawyer sometimes. My heart breaks for the kids I can't change. Sometimes it's like watching someone you care about self-destruct through a sound-proof window. No matter what you do, you can't save them. That sucks. But oh, how I love them. So I'll keep banging on that window and screaming at the top of my lungs with purple hair. 

And maybe, just maybe, the kids in those oh-so-hard lives will be able to come into my classroom and feel that peace that's only God-given for forty-three minutes a day. 

So argue about the Common Core State Standards. Complain about the terrible state of public education. Condemn teachers' unions, merit pay, whatever educational issue you deem worthy of your contempt. 

Those things are important. But they don't matter in the end. Do you see the difference, or is this my 2am brain being strange? 

My kids matter- more than any educational decision, academic standard, or school issue. 

My kids matter- more than my desire to be a stay at home mom or a part-time working mama. 

My kids matter- more than my sometimes overwhelming desire to say no to God's call for me to teach right now.

My kids matter- more than my sleep and state of comfort. 

 

 So as long as I'm called to teach, I will do whatever I can to keep those moments coming. And for the record, this type of emotional overload is. every. single. day. of teaching.

I am so thankful for my ability to teach. I am thankful for a husband who supports me working wholeheartedly and takes on at least fifty percent of our home workload to allow me to do that. Not to mention the way he knows my kids' names as well as I do, and gives me freedom with our money to meet any needs I see. I'm thankful for a childcare provider right across the street who loves my baby with the love of Jesus in the seven hours of the day I don't get to. I'm thankful for my mom and other various people who love on Sawyer the days Debbie can't. He is DEFINITELY not lacking anything.

And I'm so thankful for these kids that God has entrusted to me 180 days of the year. They make my day with their hilariousness. They love on my baby whenever they see him. They trust me with their hearts on paper. My heart could never be big enough to love them back the way they deserve, but I hope it leads them to the One whose heart is big enough.

Our Grocery Budget

I posted something on facebook yesterday that ended up with a lot of comments, private messages with questions, and searching for a blog post I did months ago about our groceries.

So, rather than search through for the blog post, I shall just post a little updated one about our meal plans and grocery budget!

The facts:
We have two adults and one little mini in the house eating with us. We eat most meals from home, including packing lunches to eat while we work. We eat fairly healthy, and we buy organic or local produce when we can. Our son drinks more milk than humanly possible- I'm talking 4-5 gallons a week, so that adds up! (and yes, I know that can be bad, but our doctor and I am quite happy with his health, and his Uncle Aaron was, and still is, the same way. Thanks for your concern). Our budget is $225 per month. I grocery shop once a month, and then usually send Daniel to the local IGA about once a week for anything fresh we need. I don't coupon for any groceries! There are not good enough sales, because unfortunately stores here don't double or triple coupons (unlike the South)!

The tips:

 1. MEAL PLANNING! Truly. Biggest difference- probably cut the budget by a third only to shop once a month.I started shopping once a month because Daniel only gets paid once a month, and we try to basically live off of his salary and save most of mine. Then, it turns out that I hate wasting time in a grocery store once a week, and I loved the extra savings it provided, so it stuck.

I plan about 15-20 meals a month, knowing we will eat leftovers a few nights and go out and eat with friends or family, etc. I made the meal plans on the computer, in a list form, not calendar form, complete with a grocery list. I do a list instead of a calendar, so it's flexible (I can just look at the list to see what I feel like making that night). I have four months planned, so I just alternate them three times a year. So when it's time to shop, I just print a meal plan/grocery list and go. I also like the list because if we decide to have people over, I just look at the list to see which meal provides the most food, and I make it! It gives us freedom to invite people over whenever we want to.

Shopping once a month means only ONE time for impulse buys/snacks, which end up costing a lot if you're doing that once a week. I usually plan for making two desserts, and I get snacks. But when the snacks are gone, they are gone. That means we end up eating everything in the cabinets the last week instead of continually buying snacks. It keeps us healthy, away from habitually snacking, and keeps our pantry and fridge continually cleaned (rather than the same cake mix being in there since it was on sale four months ago). We aren't big snackers anyways; we mostly just eat chips and salsa if we need a snack. No lie. I probably buy more tortilla chips than anything else in our grocery cart. It's a little embarrassing at times (like this past week when an old man stopped me to ask how many kids I had, and then proceeded to show other random customers in Aldi how much I had in my cart. True story).

The first couple months I did this I had to go back a few times, but now I know exactly how much cereal, tortilla chips, peanut butter, etc. we will go through in a month. It takes me about an hour and a half to do the shopping for the month, and that is usually going to two stores.

Our budget is $225 per month, and I usually spend about $175-190at Aldi. Then we have $25-$45 for the weekly produce, which we usually just grab at the local IGA. It's a lot easier not to overspend when you just run in once a week for a specific list like bananas and lettuce. Freezing also helps for the produce and bread you know you'll use throughout the month.

When I sit and think about it, I realize that almost $40+ of our budget goes to Sawyer's milk. We need a cow.

2. ALDI. Seriously. That store saves us a fortune. Once, I bought one of these same lists at Walmart just because I was already there, and it cost almost twice as much. I can find almost ALL of my groceries at Aldi; usually only three to four items will not be available, and for those I will stop at another grocery store.

3. Not buying meat (besides chicken) monthly helps. We spend about $500 every November for 1/4 a cow, and it is AWESOME! It lasts us exactly 12 months, and we have roasts, ground beef, steaks, etc. It worked out to be $3.30 per lb., which is good for ground beef, and AWESOME for roasts and steaks. We never used to have steak- now it's about twice a month or so. Plus, the beef is SO MUCH better than the grocery store meat. We honestly have a hard time eating beef at restaurants now because it makes us sick. We don't buy organic or grass-fed- just normal beef from a local farmer who treats his animals well. We usually spend $50 at some point to buy a bunch of bacon locally as well. We are looking into buying 1/2 a hog this year too-hopefully that works out. So the $500 in beef cuts us down about $50 per month, and it comes out of savings every November. If we didn't do that, our budget would be around $250-$275.

Those are our quick tips! Hope they help you some! I will include some meal plans as well!

Three Months of Meals/Grocery Lists
(Google Drive didn't save my cute fonts, so it looks a bit wonky, but it works! Enjoy!)