Adoption
Conference
On
Saturday, Daniel and I attended the Chosen for Life Conference at a church in Champaign, Illinois.
You can look at the event and the awesome ministry First Christian Church has
here: Chosen- First Christian Church Adoption has been part of our plan from the
very beginning (actually, Daniel’s openness and excitement about adoption is
one of the key reasons I married him). We just didn’t know when or how this
process would come about. When we found out about this conference, we decided
to go and get as much research as possible. It was AMAZING!
For
me, I think adoption started in my heart and mind a long, long, LONG time ago.
I desperately wanted a little sister or brother, and I remember pleading with
my parents just to adopt one. The concept of adoption has always been beautiful
to me, and it’s always been something I was focused on doing. When I met
Daniel, my friend Margo knew him before I did, and I remember her saying that
he was interested in adoption, and that she thought of me when he said that.
Boys I’d cared about before had always been ok with the idea, and they had the
attitude that “I could probably love an adopted child if I had to”. Daniel was
different. Daniel had his typical “Heck, yes! Bring it on!” personality. He had
friends who’d adopted, and he was on board with the idea.
Then
came Sawyer. Oh, how we love that little boy! Having Sawyer introduced equal
parts doubt and commitment to adoption for me. First, let’s talk about the
doubts. I never realized just how much you can love a person until Sawyer! What
if I can’t love my adopted babies in the same way? What if he feels left out in
the adoption process? What if I am not enough to provide everything all of them
need? These are some of the things that run through my mind on days when I’m
just not sure about this whole adoption process, and it sounds a lot easier to
keep living my perfect little life. But
then comes this verse…
"Once
our eyes are opened, we can't pretend we don't know what to do. God, who weighs our hearts and keeps our
souls, knows that we know, and holds us responsible to act."
Proverbs
24:12
And
this one…
Pure and genuine religion in the
sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress
and refusing to let the world corrupt you.
James 1:27
And
then come the days that I am completely sure, 100% excited, and crazy in love
with babies I have not yet met. Sawyer proves this to me. Teaching proves this
to me. I love Sawyer, and I love my students so much my heart can’t contain it
some days. I look at Sawyer, and my heart feels like it’s going to explode from
happiness. I look at kids, and my heart breaks daily because I can’t take them
home and make sure every single day someone is telling them something
encouraging. That whole “You is kind. You is smart. You is important.” thing
that came from The Help? That is my
goal every single day: to take my kids, Sawyer+ the 111 teenagers in and out of
my room, and tell them these great things about themselves- to love them for
who they are, where they are- to show them Love that never fails, despite what
they do or don’t do. When I think of kids, MY kids, somewhere without us, I
can’t wait to hold them in my arms! I think about them in terms of Sawyer- how
very much he needs every day from us! Somewhere, my babies are existing,
possibly without someone to laugh at their antics, teach them new words, hold them
when they cry, kiss their scraped knees, and be their mama. GIVE THEM TO ME
NOW!!! Not to mention the *practical* reasons that having Sawyer strengthened
my commitment to adoption. If you don’t remember, pregnancy was completely
awful for me. See previous posts. I can honestly say that being pregnant was
the absolute worst time of my life. I hated it. I’m not excited for it. I think
it’s awful. I think it’s a curse from the beginning of time, and I blame Eve
for all of my misery. We’ve always wanted a houseful of children, close in age,
and had I been able to have children easily without the problems I encountered,
I’m pretty sure I just would’ve kept popping children out with adoption always
being a “someday goal”. Well, here we are almost 2 years later, still wanting a
houseful of children close together, but NOT entertaining the idea at all of
having them all biologically. Having so much sickness caused adoption to be
a forefront commitment in our family life, rather than a backburner “when we
get around to it” goal.
We
know we’ll get questions. We know some people won’t understand. We know it’s A
LOT of money- as much as both of our yearly salaries combined. We’ll try to
answer them with as much information and grace as possible.
I
think the biggest and first one is WHY? I feel like in our generation, adoption
is becoming so common and accepted. We, in the middle of rural nowhere, have
six sets of family friends who are adopting/have adopted. And that was BEFORE
the conference. I feel like that is one awesome thing about the younger
generation of Christians- we’re sometimes more open to going and doing and
being in new ways. This is not always good, but it is encouraging that not one
person in our generation has asked us “Why?”
That question has come over and over from our parents’ generation and
older. I think the automatic assumption for adoption motivation is infertility.
We obviously can have kids- beautiful, healthy, perfect kids! So why would we
go through all of this if we could just have our “own” kids? That question gets
me slightly angry, but Daniel always reminds me to have grace. Let me preface
by saying that a few years ago, when reading a friend’s blog who has adopted,
she mentioned praying for “mama love” for her kids. She is also a teacher, and
she loves many many many kids. She prayed for the specific type of love that
mothers have for their children (by the way, she received it- she’s a great mom
to three adopted boys!). From that moment on, I have done the same thing. So
when people want to know “why?” I would go to these lengths and want these
children, it makes the Mama Bear in me come out, and I respond with about as
much grace as I would to the question of why I would want Sawyer. Why do I want
to adopt when I can have my own children? Well, because they ARE my own
children. I didn’t have morning sickness for them. I don’t know their names or
faces- I don’t even know what country they’re from yet! But I know in the
bottom of my heart that they are alive and waiting for me. I’ll save the story
of how I know this for another time. The fact that my husband is completely in
tune with me on this is semi-miraculous in our household, so we know it’s
right. You can read his version of our adoption journey tomorrow (or whenever my sweet, over-committed husband gets time to write his side of the story!).
So
yes, we can have children, and we still want to have more biological children!
We are completely open to getting pregnant again and having another Chappell
baby. In fact, because of most country’s requirements for age/length of
marriage, that’s still our plan! BUT, we’ve got some Chappell babies waiting
for us, and we can’t wait to get them as well, so we’re making plans to start
the process of bringing them home.
Which
brings us to this verse which is one of the Chappell family favorites…
Now
to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according
to His power that is at work within us, to Him be the glory in the church and
in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever!
Ephesians
3: 20-21
Feel free to follow along with us on our journey!
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